My Husband is Hurting

Our hearts are heavy today as we mourn the loss of Grant's grandmother, Bubba. He is hurting and there isn't anything that I can do to fix it. It's uncharted territory for me not to be able to fix something broken. At work if there is a problem, I fix it. Faucet at home is dripping, I fix it. The girls break something, I fix it. This however, I can not fix.

I sent extra texts today, I took him to lunch in which we had no appetite, I picked the girls up early to tell them about Bubba, we distracted ourselves with lots of outside activities, I made dinner, but I still can't fix it.

I've learned in the past few years that I'm not the emotionally supportive one in the family and with my friends, I am the doer. I am the person you can count on to do your errands, pick up and entertain your kiddos, I'll even clean up after you when your water breaks (no names listed), but somehow over the years I have stopped being the emotionally strong one. I don't know whe…

The Need to Hide

Just this week one of the associates who works on my team looked at me after a stressful day and she said, I was so wrong - how do you make all of this look easy. I wasn't exactly sure what my face looked like because on the inside I was torn between bursting in laughter or falling into a puddle of "you have got to be kidding me."

In this situation we were talking about work and I'm a Sr Manager so my job is to protect my associates from knowing exactly what happens long before a project or decision ever gets to them and it's also my job to keep moral up so I don't want them to know how not easy some of my days are. I wish life was as easy as "check your personal business at the door." It's not, in fact I find it personally impossible.

I was ecstatic to hear that my team hadn't picked up on all of the things running through my head as I hit that door by 7:30am. Am I the only one who has all of these feelings inside and are scared that people…

I Was Distracted

Everyone has advice, anyone can create a blog or website (yes, I know the irony in that statement) and oh my goodness if I read one more inspirational quote on Pinterest I just might barf. We are always looking for a sign, an inspiration, a moment of clarity or sometimes just a little entertainment. I got a little dose of that this weekend right at home.

I was standing in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher for what felt like the tenth time this week when my little P popped around the corner and asked if she could ask me some questions. The truth is I wish I could say that I dropped everything and rushed to her side, but I was looking at the filthy floors, dishes that needed to be put into the dishwasher, listening the her sister yell about something on the other end of the house and Grant rambling on about something. So my first instinct was to ask her if we could do it later and would she please take the cereal box to the recycling bin in the garage, but this time I said screw it t…

When your kid is an ass

Yes, I went there - my kids can be a real asshats sometimes. So lets talk about my 6 year old who has mastered the ability to push my buttons. So is sarcastic, knows how to bate people and finds joy in it. Shit - she is me and I totally deserve it.

This weekend we were sitting on my parents patio and when this 6 year old wasn't getting exactly what she wanted she used her power. She decided to tell me that I didn't like her, care about her or love her. Oh boy did that push my buttons and she literally sat there and waited for my expression. I didn't let her ruffle my feathers too much, but that's only because she was saved by YaYa.

All of this comes on the heels of another great P moment. Earlier in the week I had asked the girls on multiple occasions to clean up their dirty clothes. On the third night I had enough so I made P get out of her bed and do what I had asked. She did it, but made sure to add in that I made her do everything.

Stop - wait a minute - now you ar…

Hurricane of Emotions

Today I went to work, the girls had soccer practice and I took a walk with a friend, so why do I feel so guilty...

The world had been anticipating and watching Hurricane Irma as she approached land. When I say the world I don't feel like I'm exaggerating because I was in Canada and it was on every tv. A little difficult to relax with friends when all you can think about is your family at home bracing for the storm.

I tried to get home before the storm, but that didn't happen. So there I sat glued to a tv watching my beloved city get torn apart. There wasn't anything I could do to help what was happening, but in hindsight there wasn't anything that anyone could do, Mother Nature was on her own mission.

I kept in touch when family was able to make outbound calls and text, but the brunt of the storm came through the night. No one was able to sleep through the howls of the wind and tree limbs hitting the house. I couldn't sleep many states away because I didn't…

Freaking parents are the worst

After I posted about our decision to retain Adelaide in 3rd grade we received an overwhelming response. You all made us feel supported in ways I can't express. So today is your update...

School started and I only wanted to punch one big mouthed mom - yay me.

First day of school was around the corner and I was holding my breathe on how A would handle it. All summer long when someone asked what grade she was going to she always responded, "I'm going back to 3rd." In which she always got a pity smile and then I got the same thing. At first I told her that she didn't have to tell people that she was going back, she could just say I'm going to 3rd. I don't know why I told her that, I think mostly to save her and I the embarrassment.

Even typing that out I am shaking my head at myself because I know I have nothing to be embarrassed about. My little girl tried her hardest, the family tried their hardest. We did exactly what we tell the girls all of the time - tr…

Back to School - SHIT!

We are in those few weeks where our Facebook feeds are filled with smiling little kid faces, new backpacks and the excitement over getting a routine back. SURPRISE...not all of us are excited about the kids going back to school.

1. Not all of us need to rebound from crazy schedules over the summer. Some of us worked all summer long and may have managed to get one week off to spend with the kids. Our schedule still consisted of getting up with an alarm clock 5 days a week and rushing to make dinner at night.

2. Some of us are terrified over the thought of adding extra curricular activities and homework back into the evening mix. Remind me how we get all of this done again and got to bed at a decent time, seriously, someone please.

3. We don't all have the ability to fill our days being school volunteers and when you open up your child's folder and the first paper is the Volunteer Form you immediately ball it up and throw it in the trash because I'll be damned if I am going …